What makes you, you?

I can't believe a YouTube channel that only lasted a year has led me down this incredible path. Sometimes life doesn't turn out the way you are expecting. Some days you wake up and the universe just says no to your plans. There is nothing you can really do about that and I am beginning to learn you need to just roll with the punches.

To say this has been a busy year would be an understatement. I have started a podcast, a blog, and a business(I would love to get some feedback on pricing, pictures, etc. in whatever format you guys have to reach out to me!) None of which have been super successful but they have all been learning experiences in their own way. They have each helped me learn something about myself and for that I am grateful. 

The blog has been the most impactful of all. It has really taught me to really reflect on the experiences I have. I think a lot of the time I was taking things for granted around me and I am glad that I am taking time to slow down a little and experience life. It isn't a race to the end or even a race to be the most accomplished. It may sound cliché, but life really is a journey, and that journey is what you make it. I often got caught up in my goals and missed the whole process of getting there. 

If you told me even ten years ago that I would be married to the most incredible person in the world and that I would be surrounded by great friends and just generally be in the position that I am now I wouldn't have believed you, and in a way I wasn't wrong. I am not me from ten years ago, I am a completely different person. I believe that is a really important lesson to learn and I am glad I learned it fairly early in life. Just because you have done something a certain way or believed something your entire life doesn't mean you have to keep doing it that way. 

I feel like this is becoming very apparent in our current society. People seem to just be completely ignoring what is right in front of them and the only explanation I can think of is that they were raised a certain way and they just can't change. I choose the word can't very deliberately, I don't think people are making the choice not to change, at least not consciously. Change is scary, it usually represents an unknown, we are moving forward into something we don't necessarily fully understand. 

People have gone their whole lives believing a certain way and changing that makes them feel like they are losing a part of themselves, and in a way they are. I have had discussions with people trying to change their opinions on various topics. The response that perplexed me the most is the person admitting that I'm right but they just won't change their mind. It really confused me at first, how can they acknowledge I'm right but still disagree? I think the answer lies in that fear of change, whether consciously or subconsciously. 

That has been a difficult hurdle throughout this journey. I had built this figure of who I am. I had somehow built up this idea that there are certain things that make me who I am and without them I'm not me. Even something as silly as I like to drink milk. Sure my love of milk might be fairly unique, but that isn't something I should let define me. 

This also manifests a lot in the weird worshiping of red meat we seem to have particularly in the male culture of America. If you are someone who likes meat then you are someone who likes meat. You can't like vegetables or meat alternatives, only meat. But the reality is that isn't what makes you you. There are a lot of things I wouldn't have done this year had I confined myself to my strict idea of myself. I probably wouldn't have started painting minis and I definitely wouldn't have tried tofu. 

There is a very real possibility that it is only me that creates this idea of who they are but if I'm not alone I can at least shed some light on how I changed it. I just made a conscious effort to try to change that figure from who I am to who I want to be. Instead of thinking of myself in a particular way, I set myself an open ended goal to shape me into the type of person I want to become. 

Instead of being a meat loving milk drinker, I am making a conscious effort to make better choices for the environment. This doesn't mean I am now a vegetarian or any other label. It means I want to be more conscious about how my actions impact the environment. It also means that my views on things are also fluid. I am not a person who believes xyz. I have set the goal that I want to be as open minded as I can. I want to learn as much as I can so I can make informed decisions. If that means I change what I believe, then so be it. There is nothing wrong with changing your view on something. It isn't a 'gotcha' moment, it shows that you are learning and becoming a better person. 

I also didn't give up my self identity. I think I have a fairly strong sense of self, I know who I am and I am comfortable with that. However, I have accepted that my actions and beliefs do not define me. There is always time to make better choices and educate yourself to form better opinions about things. I have come to accept that changing my beliefs does not make me less me, it just makes me a different, better, me. This also doesn't erase your past actions. Your past mistakes are still mistakes you have made. But instead of dwelling on them and being complacent, learn from them, address the damage you caused, and move forwards towards a better you. 

I am laying in bed writing this at midnight so I don't know if any of this really made sense but I hope someone can get something from this. I think next week I am finally going to dive into Bo Burnham's Inside. See you next week!